My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
