I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
