imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
