she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
