The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
