it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
