who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
