You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
