Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
