she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
