if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
The convent might be a nice break from real life
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