I wish you could order shots online.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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