We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
