O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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