i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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