HIV tests are more positive than that guy
...so i touched it.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
