You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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