meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
