She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
