He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
i drank out of a bidet.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
