idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
