It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
