Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
