dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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