I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
