just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
