So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
