i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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