she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
