my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
