My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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