who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
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