Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
