YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
COCAINE IS GR8
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
