Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
