JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
