before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
