Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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