Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
