i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
