I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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