her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
