hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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