there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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