I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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