Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
