I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
you have to choose: penises or morals?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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