I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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