OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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