her vagine was all disorganized.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
