Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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